"LORD, I CAN'T DO THIS!"

I am unaware of anything that could be more difficult in this life for God to require of a man or a woman than to bear the heart-wrenching pain associated with the death of their child. In the normal course of the well-ordered way that we expect things ought to be, little babies grow into young children en route to becoming teenagers who then disappear into adults. But I have learned that life is what happens while we were planning something else. Our way of thinking isn't necessarily God's way of accomplishing His plan and purpose for each of His sons and daughters.

During a specialized missionary training program held this week on November 8-9, 2011, Mission President Brent Belliston quietly shared the devastating personal experience that he and his wife painfully endured some thirty years ago when they lost a two-year-old son to leukemia.

The parents had noticed that little Riley never smiled once for any of his pictures during his first birthday party. Shortly thereafter, the child began crying and this situation continued both day and night. Riley was taken to the pediatrician, but the results of the examination were inconclusive. After visiting the doctor's office, the little boy's crying continued on into the night. About midnight, the pediatrician felt impressed to call the family and ask about Riley's condition. As soon as they told him what was happening, the doctor recommended that they immediately bring Riley directly to the hospital.

After further evaluation, the physician ordered a bone marrow test, a painful experience for anyone but a particularly excruciating situation for a very young child. At her husband's insistence, Sister Belliston went home to be with the other children, while he remained at the hospital. Unable to bear the thought of his son's suffering as they were about to extract the marrow sample with a large needle, Brother Belliston pleaded in prayer, "Lord, I can't do this!"; and then he went out into the hospital corridor leaving his boy with the medical staff as they prepared to perform the procedure.

As he continued to pray, the father received a spiritual impression almost like a voice from Heaven saying, "I, too, had a son; and I also had to experience his suffering." But then the screams of his little boy penetrated the walls of the hospital and fell into the ears of the father. Brother Belliston, his heart full of anguish, promised his son at that moment, "I'll never leave you again." True to his word, when additional bone marrow tests were performed later, Riley's father held him close each time. Riley went through the ups and downs of remission struggling with his sickness for about a year.

Finally, the degenerative effect of the leukemia proved to be too much for the child's body to endure any more. Trusting that life is eternal as promised in the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ, Brother Belliston gave his son a blessing to die that he might not have to suffer anymore; and Riley quietly passed away in his father's arms.

My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment (D&C 121:7)

Being able to willingly accept God's will in our lives and those of our loved ones can only be achieved when we become humble, submissive, and meek. Even the Son of God was required to accept His Father's will at Gethsemane and later upon the cross.